And now I feel SO INCREDIBLY GUILTY for being so mad at him. But I can't stop being mad at him for all he's done. But I can't cut him out of my life completely. Even if he wasn't physically sick, I wouldn't do that. But I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE.
He does things he doesn't remember because of his BPD and schizophrenia, but I feel so taken advantage of. And yeah, I let him. I'm not going to. But I can't be close to him like I was. He pushed me away more than anything while trying to keep me.
So I finally got the guts to stick up for myself for good. Tell him off.
And then he gets diagnosed with FUCKING LEUKEMIA.
Why am I still doing this?
I won't be able to sleep or eat. And now I have a good excuse for being a stupid, lazy person that I hate. I was never good enough anyway.
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